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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room a little too literally, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered through the school as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|